Texts From Last Night

[Siren]

Basically the idea of this is that you find a funny text from http://textsfromlastnight.com/ that would be a believable funny text your character would send to another character.

Example

Siren to The Eleventh Doctor
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.

Siren to Clara
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.

[Guest]

Aislinn to Sam Winchester
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?

Aislinn to Siren
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.

Aislinn to Castiel
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.

[Guest]

Reagan to Aislinn
I'm half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology

Reagan to Dean
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.

Reagan to Sam
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.

Reagan to Adriel
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios

[Guest]

Castiel to Dean
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.

Castiel to Sam
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"

Castiel to Aislinn
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??

Castiel to Aislinn
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"

[Guest]

Aislinn to Adriel
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.

Aislinn to Castiel
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?

Aislinn to Castiel
I don't care if we're married, you can't just walk into our bedroom with a pizza box and expect me to take my clothes off

Aislinn to Reagan
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit…

Aislinn to Dean
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after

[Guest]

Reagan to Dean
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.

Reagan to Sam
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.

Reagan to Aislinn
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like

Reagan to Adriel
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute

Reagan to Castiel
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.

[Guest]

Dean to Reagan
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food

Dean to Sam
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF

Dean to Aislinn
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.

Dean to Adriel
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.

Dean to Castiel
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell

[Jack Harkness]

Jack to The Ninth Doctor
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.

Jack to Rose
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed

[Guest]

Reagan to Dean
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.


Reagan to Aislinn
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?

Reagan to Adriel
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"

Reagan to Sam
whose ass print is on the piano?

Reagan to Castiel
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts

[The Ninth Doctor]

The Ninth Doctor to Jack
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras

The Ninth Doctor to Rose
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me

[Jack Harkness]

Jack to The Ninth Doctor
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices

Jack to Rose
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom

Jack to The Brigand
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.

Jack to The Corsair
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success

[Guest]

Reagan to Dean
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.

Reagan to Aislinn
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.

Reagan to Sam
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.

Reagan to Castiel
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?

Reagan to Adriel
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.

[Guest]

Castiel to Dean
She definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too".

Castiel to Reagan
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all.

Castiel to Adriel
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.

Castiel to Sam
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...

Castiel to Aislinn
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.

Castiel to Aislinn
Doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments...

[Guest]

Reagan to Dean
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

Reagan to Jayden
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed

Reagan to Sam
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

Reagan to Aislinn
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.

Reagan to Adriel
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

Reagan to Castiel
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

[Guest]

Reagan to Dean
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.

Reagan to Jayden
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.

Reagan to Aislinn
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.

Reagan to Charlotte
I'm so proud of us for not dying.

Reagan to Sam
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.

Reagan to Castiel
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.

Reagan to Adriel
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.

Reagan to Acacia
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS

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